Where Are We?

“You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”   (Ps.18:28)

      Though I can’t name the destination yet, I know my life has taken a turn.  I’ve started a new journey.  I sure hope the Lord has the map.  

     The motel room is tiny.  Two beds, one for my parents, one for me, each covered with a plain but practical brown bedspread.  A beige formica-topped table.  A sink on the back wall, shower and toilet on one side, dresser and mirror on the other.  Tiny, but fine for a quick overnight stay on our trip to visit my son.  

     The only crowded spot in the room is the corner by the door where my father stacked all the things my mother insisted on bringing in from the car.  Not just the luggage, but the maps and the flashlight, all the tools and the battery jumper cables.  Dad didn’t object until Mom started dragging out the floormats.  I laughed as though it’s just a new eccentricity she’s developed, but anxiety buzzed like a mosquito in my brain as she went back and forth to the car, closing the heavy metal door to the room each time she went out, knocking on it when she wanted to bring in another load.

     I think back to my surprise a couple of weeks ago when I first mentioned this trip to my father.  I expected he’d jump at the chance for a trip to Colorado in the fall. Instead he hesitated.  He wasn’t sure about Mom, he said.  “She changes her mind a lot. It’s hard to plan things now.” 

     But here we are, halfway to our destination, and the trip has been just fine. 

     Until now. 

     Once she rests from unloading the car, Mom stands and then turns in a full circle around the little room.  She turns once more and finally asks where the TV is. 

     “Right here on the dresser, Baby,” my father tells her.  “See?  Right here.”  He takes her hand and places it on the television.

     “Oh, of course!  What am I thinking?” She stares at the TV until Dad turns it on.

      I should ask.  I should take my father outside and ask him what’s up.  But I don’t.  I tell myself I don’t want to embarrass him, or Mom.  Surely everything’s ok. 

     During the night I awaken to the sound of her voice, high-pitched and anxious.  “Where are we?” she asks my father. 

     He explains.

     Almost immediately she asks again, “Where are we? I need to go home.”

     The square brown clock on the bedside table reads 2:43 am.  Too early to go home, I tell myself.  Or too late.

     Where are we, Father?  What’s going on?  The smooth road of my life has changed, with a sudden curve in a different direction.  Where does this road lead, Lord?  I feel like I’m driving in the dark with no headlights.  But in the night I remember Your goodness.  Your power.  And I tell myself You won’t leave me in this darkness.  You know exactly where we are and You will be with us as we move forward.  Our strong refuge, today, tonight, right now.  Thank You, Lord, for lighting the way.

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About atimeformiracles

I'm a writer. And a speaker. And an advocate for victims of Alzheimer's. I write about a lot of things, but right now Alzheimer's has taken center stage. You'll see some of my work on my blog alzheimershopeandhelp.wordpress.com. If you're a caregiver, this blog is for you, from someone who has been in your shoes. I offer help in the form of tips and strategies gained through my personal experience. I offer encouragement in the form of witness: You are never alone. The God of all hope is always with you, and where He is, miracles abound. I speak to groups on the same subject, sharing helps and challenging caregivers to expect joy on the path through Alzheimer's. It's a rough road, but it leads through terrain of intense beauty. I can point out some of the miraculous sights along the way. In the U.S., a new diagnosis of Alzheimer's is made every 69 seconds. Please join me in praying for those suffering from the disease and for those who care for them.

2 thoughts on “Where Are We?

  1. Kathleen, welcome to the wonderful world of blogging. It’s a fine job you’ve done, even tagged it. Yahoo! As soon as I can find out how to do it I will post your blog site on mine and hopefully direct some traffic your way. I’m so proud of you for jumping “head first” into the murky pond of technology. Your words of wisdom will benefit those embarking on the dark journey that you’ve completed. May God bless you with a traffic jam on your blog each day because we know the highways of life are overflowing with folks going the same direction that you’ve been.

    DiAne

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